My horsemanship has reached almost undreamed of levels of sublty, where time stands still and results become a by-product of open interaction. It is said when the pupil is ready the teacher will appear and I am meeting extraordinary teachers across species as a new journey is unfolding.
I now have two businesses and they are doing well, my plans are being fully realised and life is great but it is the intangible feeling inside me that signifies destination reached.
Gradually I have accepted how wonderful my life has become and the incredible people within it. I really have fulfilled that desire to grow, develop and understand myself. 
I have embraced my shadow self though she is not dark, brooding or dangerous, She is pure light, energy and expression in all its forms. She is a dance on the edge of a rainbow.
My final lesson came when I denied how I felt about a friend. 
I was ready to move on and the only thing stopping me was fear.
I sent a text inviting him into my life.
Some moments simply are life changing.
There was no expectation, little pre-thought I said yes to possibility and let go of everything.
Starting horses' is built on trust and partnership. I have guided many horses through this process but usually from the position of the rider.
However as I have aged and now a single Mum the risk of doing this had seen me stop taking in young horses for starting.
The horse has to trust two people to keep them safe, ground handler and rider. Each of these people has to
work seperately to consider the horse but as a team to ensure the process is done well, make a mistake and the horse may never fully trust being ridden. 
The role of the ground handler is to keep the horse and rider controlled, balanced and to make instant decisions about when to stop or proceed.
As a rider you have to be agile, balanced, confident and to trust the horse handler to make accurate decisions.
A supreme test of team work and done well it is seamless almost silent.
Seeing a horse introduced well to its first rider can reduce onlookers to tears, overwhelmed by the trust and bond formed between three beings.
We prepare horses well, over time, in stages, by handling, introducing equipment such as saddle, bridle.
We long line to teach them the signals we will use for start, stop, faster, slower etc.
But there comes that  moment where all the work is tested.
We ask the horse, a creature of fight and adrenaline, to change its nature and trust us,the classic predator, to take control of its whole being from the position of its back.
I really enjoyed this work, it is the ultimate test of client trust in my skills in lots of ways, I missed it.
It is so finely balanced the team has to be right or the risks of failure are high and that's simply not acceptable for me.
Do the job exceptionally well or not at all, as I had no team then it was not at all.   
Meeting this incredibly gifted young man opened a whole world of possibilites.  He simply sits on young horses exceptionally well. He has a way of being that is soft yet strong, relaxed yet balanced and he is unflappable. The combination is so rare in a man but add to that a love of horses, intelligence and a willingness to learn and to me you have a perfect human being.
My heart opened, I took a chance and asked him to join me as a member of our team.
You need to understand my work is an extension of who I am and all I stand for. To trust anyone is a huge step but to trust them with my work, reputation (as they are part of my team) and to put myself in a vulnerable position so publically was a very real lesson. Make a decision, trust your instincts and let go.
Starting horses together has given me back a whole area of my work I love but had felt lost forever.
 
 

Where do I begin with Cinders? I met her on April Fools day 2005. The yard she was in was finding her difficult to manage and she was rearing in-hand. Only the yard manager handled her and things were becoming dangerous. I remember asking for her to be walked out of her stable and the yard cleared of people! She seemed small and quiet until sent out to lunge where she showed her true athletic abilities. The only time she engaged with me in the few moments I handled her, was as I asked her to step back and she looked out of the corner of her eye at me. I was lost, something inside of me connected with her and I felt we would meet again. Often if I do my job well I do not need to revisit a yard as they take on the often small changes the horse is asking for and things start to improve. Indeed when Jo rang a few days later and booked a further visit Cinders had begun to respond to changes the staff had made when they handled her. I will let Jo take up the story from here...


"Having had my horse Cinders from a foal, by the time she was 5, I was beginning to recognise that I was out horsed and by 7 we had reached crisis point. Like many people, I had to make a decision whether to carry on or to give up. To be honest I really wasn’t convinced that any turn around was possible - but one thing I was sure about was that I wanted to give us every chance I could at becoming a partnership. I hope that at least some people who read our story will get a feel for what can be possible if you’re prepared to make a commitment to your horse.

Cinders has never been straightforward. She is built as a sports horse, is quick, very sharp and intelligent. Nor has life with her been easy physically. As a foal she had bilateral OCD and she has been prone to colic - one vets bill was over £10,000. She was the kind of horse who would put her foot through a fence on Christmas morning! However, with help, I got through all these things and by the time she was 4 Cinders was in work and turning into a really nice ride. But, in retrospect, the breakdown in trust between us was inevitable. Although relatively experienced - 18 years riding a variety of horses on a regular basis, I had never ridden anything as sharp as Cinders and frankly I was scared. To exacerbate the situation, Cinders was very upright in her head carriage and found it difficult to go forwards so sitting on her made me (and others more experienced) feel insecure. As a result she was largely ridden in draw reins - something which seemed a good idea at the time but only served to make matters worse.

Things deteriorated even further after the birth of my second child. My confidence was almost non-existent - to the extent that I would cry from fear if I sat on her and finally was even afraid of putting her rugs on. Over a matter of months Cinder’s behaviour deteriorated to such an extent that only Louise, the livery yard manager, would handle her. None of the other grooms wanted to be near her. She was led in a bridle, often rearing, refusing to go in her box and eventually surrounded by people frightened of her. We investigated everything we could think of - back problems, neck problems, teeth, eyesight, brain tumours - but we could not find an answer. I have to say that without Lou’s support I would have given up. But, even with this, by the spring of this year, Cinders and I had reached crisis point. Then one day I jokingly said “Maybe Monty Roberts could do something with this horse” - enter stage left my now dear friend Lynn Chapman.

I found Lynn’s name on the IH website and I called her. She agreed to come out and to be honest I was a bit sceptical about what she was saying. That said, I was desperate and I wanted to change the dreadful situation we were in. I loved my horse and I couldn’t bear the fact that we weren’t communicating and we weren’t enjoying life together. I was also extremely lucky in that Louise, now the primary carer of my horse, was also prepared to change the way we did things, despite being a competent and experienced horsewoman.

Lynn spent a lot of time with us. She took time to understand the history (and we told her everything), she took time with me, she understood what I wanted and she gave us a plan - groundwork exercises and if possible lead in a head collar, not a bridle. We followed Lynn’s plan to the letter, every day – and when she returned 3 weeks later she saw a marked improvement in Cinders and us. Cinders hadn’t reared since Lynn’s visit and I had even managed to turn her out. The next challenge I faced was that Lou was getting married and was going to be away from the yard for a few weeks - which left me to deal with Cinders alone. It was then I decided to ask Lynn if she could take Cinders on for a few weeks to continue the work we were doing - and by some marvellous serendipity, Lynn is located only a short drive from my office. So that’s what we did.

When Cinders arrived at Lynn’s farm (known now to me as ‘The Academy’), she was withdrawn, nervous and unpredictable. She wouldn’t even put her head over the door! But before we started any retraining, Lynn checked the physical side of things. Years of being ridden in draw reins had caused a variety of tightnesses in Cinders which were treated by a rather unconventional chap but with amazing results. Within only a few days of being treated her body had changed shape enormously.

Lynn worked consistently, quietly and methodically to try to get to the heart of Cinders. She did groundwork exercises, worked in the round pen, long lined and hacked, no draw reins and with the gentlest of approaches. And each day Cinders improved.

But then came the bigger challenge - Lynn, having got Cinders on an even keel, needed to sort me out. What I hadn’t realised was that my confidence was so low that there was absolutely no question of me getting on Cinders. But here’s a real lesson for anyone who is frightened of their horse - not only have you got to be prepared to change what you do, you’ve got to be prepared to change how you do it.

My biggest realisation came one morning when I arrived at the farm when Carina was riding her horse David (yes I know its an odd name for a horse) out of the yard. I had arrived feeling very calm, but as soon as I saw David and Carina, I began to feel nervous, and I told Lynn. Lynn’s response was simply – ‘Yes, that’ll be David, he feeds adrenalin’ . At first I thought she was having a bit of a mad moment but I began to think about it. What was happening with Cinders and I was that we are both hypersensitive - and we were feeding each other adrenalin. The combination was, as you will realise, explosive! Lynn taught me to recognise the signs and develop strategies to get rid of the adrenalin and stop the situation escalating.

Over the next few weeks Lynn, unbeknown to me, worked a programme to get me riding and reading my horse again. We started with her 10 year old daughter’s pony - that’s how bad I was. Lynn showed me how to hear the questions the horses asked, she taught me ways to answer, she helped me to develop responses to scenarios, she helped me to feel what the horse was telling me, she taught me it is OK to be scared, but above all she had faith in me. She took the time to retrain me.

What was fantastic about ‘The Academy’ is that these people I was working with, although experienced in the IH techniques, had all had first hand experience of where I had been. Carina openly shared her experiences of David with me - she had also been in a similar situation with him but had made a commitment to change and has now come through it.

Four months ago, I was afraid to put rugs on my horse, let alone lead or ride it. After 4 months with Lynn, I now groom, lead, turn out, bring in, tack up and ride my beautiful horse.

What advice would I give to anyone in my situation. Firstly, as soon as you’ve got a problem, seek help. Don’t prolong the agony. Second, be honest, define the issues and take responsibility. Third, and most important, you need to commit to change, you need to make the effort and meet your horse half way. The IH mentality is fantastic but they can’t wave a magic wand - you have to participate and commit. "


Cinders and Jo rediscovered their partnership and began hacking out for the first time during the summer of 2005. Jo built up some good memories and experiences, which enabled her to take the painful step of deciding to put Cinders out on loan whilst her children are small and her time limited. Cinders taught me to ride with much more subtly, someone recently described their Warmblood as a “tactful ride” I think this, prefixed with ‘extremely’, ably describes this lovely mare.

October 2008
Cinders has found a permanent home where she is ridden regularly, competes in riding club events and generally enjoys life with her IH trained new owner. I am so glad Cinders has her happy ending.

Where do dreams begin and when do they morph into reality? What enables our dreams to take flight?
In my case circumstance took the main role.

I have always been drawn to the speed and power of the thoroughbred whether riding out at a local yard, in my capacity as a working RA or simply witnessing the majesty of my "teachers" at play in my paddocks. 
Anyone who has read my website profile will understand how much influence racehorses have had on my life. Yet some how I never fully acknowlgeded how they continually took me to the next stage of my journey. I resisted the pull towards the industry I had felt an affinity with, it was there right at the start through my first encounters with consumate horsemen, both of whom were exjockeys and truly loved and "gentled" horses.

We run clinics at home and I'm often asked about my views on the lives my horses previously led when in race training. I openly share my experiences and that of my horses as, in the main, they had happy and healthy careers, being retired from lack of form or natural ability. Increasingly I began to feel, as an RA, I was being asked to somehow justify my position around my association with the industry itself. This came to a head in 2009 when we took in a young horse from a flat racing yard for one of my livery clients. Sestet was to be handled and turned out in preparation for her new career as a brood mare. I was asked my advice as to where to send her to stud, I had no idea. I visited a friend in Lambourn to ask his advice and came home the owner of half a racehorse in training. He observed that if I were to learn, the best way was to get involved. I don't think either of us had any idea where this would lead us.

Hatman Jack ran on the all weather tracks over 5 to 7 furlongs through the winter of 2009/10.  I travelled to see him working at home and when he raced. On one memorable December morning I watched the string, walking out to the all weather gallops in -10 degree temperatures, along snow covered ground in total silence, they and their horses' hair and lashes beautifully dusted with frost! It epitomised the dedication these people have to the horses in their care, to each other and the owners who support the yard. It may be glamourised in the media but there is nothing glamourous about the job; day to day just pure hard work, attention to detail and team work.

Inevitably I became very hands on and eventually had Jack home for his holiday. I had a miserable 4 year old TB who did not appreciate being asked to stay out in April in one of my paddocks and eat grass. He wanted to be asleep in his stable. After a few weeks he began to adjust to his new regime, it was a  bit like watching a kid accept being sent to brat camp; he felt sure there had been a mistake!  Jack teamed up with one of my horses and another holiday visitor named Home (but more about him later!).

We now had 10 racehorses in three groups all having a lovely time getting fat and rested, being much admired by visitors, many of whom were surprised to see these animals socilising and hanging out, unaware racehorses had holidays, let alone in paddocks like "normal" horses. It was still unsettling when people implied I was breeched my ethics by owning a race horse, let alone having him in active training.
I began to feel I faced a choice, until Jack needed to begin his ridden work again and my trainer suggested I do it.

I began with ground work and it soon became apparent Jack had read all the IH books, he accepted a saddle, long lines, a rider and was obedient to stand for mounting relaxed to ride, this was not what many people would expect from a horse that had been started as a racehorse at two. He did tongue loll, so we fitted him with a small ported Myler (05) and he began to find the proper place for his tongue, flat and inside his mouth. Six weeks later back to Lambourn he went loading happily and confidently after his three and a half month field break with us. I was impressed at how prepared for life he was and not at all what I had expected, highlighting a few preconceptions of my own.

On his return he worked well and everyone remarked how filled out he was and how he had chaged shape, helped by his improved head carriage, which continued as Jack retained his Myler bit.

In May 2010 I went to a local point to point and got chatting to the owner of one of our holiday residents, he said the horse was showing a loss of form. One thing led to another and I purchased this little horse, half shares with someone else.

As with all life decisions hindsight is a wonderful thing but in this case I could not have envisioned what lay ahead for Home and I, of such things dreams are made. Home finished his six week break and returned to his current trainer. Once again I visited his yard to see him work and attended his first race. Here my experience changed, although all seemed well with Home, he was tense at the track and saddled in the stable area . I was informed this was normal practice with Home and he ran in a tongue strap when raced.
I never presume to tell my trainer how to do a job they are more than qualified for, neither do I offer opinions unless I am asked to. However I did feel less informed about Home than I had been about Jack. My horse ran well, finished a close fifth and back to the yard we all went.

Over the next few weeks I had the opportunity to visit both my horses at their respective yards and when my co-owner pulled out I took the decision to have both my horses in Lambourn.

We ran Home at Fontwell a few weeks later as a fact finding mission, he was saddled in the pre-parade ring as is the norm and behaved completely differently.  Finishing his race it was apparent why a tongue strap had been used as he made an awful noise . 

Following Veterinary advice Home underwent an operation to stabilise his soft palate following a period of rest and refittening we headed to Kempton for a flat race and finished third, my first placing as an owner. The team were very excited as Home had finised his race well, no noise and more importantly could breath correctly enabling him to gain confidence, especially in the last part of his race.

Despite all Home's positives, Jack's performance on the track deteriorated and we began to realise he had a problem. Through tests and observation it was concluded he was bleeding when galloping and this did once result in a bust blood vessel following a race. We took the decision to retire Jack, as horses with this pattern tend to worsen, the understanding around diagnosis and prognosis is still being investigated and treatment felt like dam plugging. Jack is now enjoying a new career as a dressage horse on a lovely farm in Gloucestershire.

February 2011, I now had one horse in training and was sole owner. At Southall with my trainers' 16 year old son on board, his second ride under rules, Home gave myself and his jockey our first win. The joy of seeing Home finish 7 lengths clear, running on, can not really be expressed with words. Reality hit two days later when the handicapper gave us a big weight penalty prompting a rethink. 

As a dual purpose horse Home jumped so we thought we might try hurdles and see how my nerves coped. Late March on good to soft ground we finished fifth, April saw a return to Fontwell where we finished fourth running on up the hill. We were now seeing a different Home he was beginning to dance to the parade ring and his eyes had a real sparkle. His jockey, Sam Jones, commented how well he jumped and why hadnt we tried chase fences? The handicapper again played a part in the decision, to go over fences would reduce the weight Home would carry. However, he is barely 15.1hh, chase fences are imposing and solid, a whole new ball game. 

Eleven days later my daughter and I returned to Fontwell to watch Home. I was a bag of nerves, I hadnt even checked who our was jockey. I should have, it was AP Mcoy!!! AP was egoless, charming, chatted easily in the warm April sunshine, mounted up and guided my precious horse to a 7 lengths win in his first steeplechase. As the pictures show Home jumped fluently, with heart and hardly blew. 

Following the win we now had the opportunity to run again quickly and stay ahead of the handicapper. My trainer stepped us up a grade to give us a weight advantage. At Towcester six days later we won by 14 lengths, AP apologised for the margin, as the handicap would increase again. Our choice step up another grade, stop for the season or step back to hurdles and put a younger jockey up who would claim a weight allowance? My nerves said hurdles, my heart said stop, my trainer let me decide so we went to Fontwell, hurdling, on Royal wedding day and got our third win in a row!! Fontwell is out local track and the place went wild, what an evening it was. 

When the euphoria died down I was left with a huge dilemma. We had so much weight on us in our current grade Home had little chance of winning or placing again. Home was entered in a grade three at Worcester on June 4th but I decided a rest would be sensible, then we heard from Dave Roberts on June 1st, AP wanted the ride. The race was the feature race of the day and AP felt Home could win it.  
We didnt win, Home fell when in second closing on the favourite, both he and the champion jockey got up unscathed but I was shaken. When I got back so many people sent messages asking if Home was ok and wishing him well, my brave little horse had quite a following. Everyone felt Home would have won, even me, so after a few weeks rest we returned to Worcester to a grade three hurdle, whether it was the jockey change, lack of confidence or end of season tiredness, Home finished well down, fading on the run in.
The holidays called and Home is here with us now. As to the future who knows.

What I can say is I grew from this experience. The sheer joy of sitting on the gallops watching strings of fit horses canter, learning from their movement, whilst driving my trainer mad with endless questions he patiently answered. The people I got to know and the respect we mutually exchanged for our differing forms of horsemanship that have so many techniques in common. 
 
I learned that as an owner whether as an individual or in a syndicate you are your horse's advocate and the choices you make you must live with. Yes, horses die racing and get injured, it is a high risk sport. But these horses have a job for which they are bred and trained, my role, which my team invited me to take, was to be a cog in the wheel that enabled my horses to do their job, to the best of their ability, and to make informed choices when this ceased to be the case.  I no longer feel the need to choose or justify my involvement I just continue to marvel in the presence of these majestic athletes. [Train Equus - Ex-Racehorse Clinics]