I now have two businesses and they are doing well, my plans are being fully realised and life is great but it is the intangible feeling inside me that signifies destination reached.
Gradually I have accepted how wonderful my life has become and the incredible people within it. I really have fulfilled that desire to grow, develop and understand myself.
I have embraced my shadow self though she is not dark, brooding or dangerous, She is pure light, energy and expression in all its forms. She is a dance on the edge of a rainbow.
My final lesson came when I denied how I felt about a friend.
I was ready to move on and the only thing stopping me was fear.
I sent a text inviting him into my life.
Some moments simply are life changing.
There was no expectation, little pre-thought I said yes to possibility and let go of everything.
Starting horses' is built on trust and partnership. I have guided many horses through this process but usually from the position of the rider.
However as I have aged and now a single Mum the risk of doing this had seen me stop taking in young horses for starting.
The horse has to trust two people to keep them safe, ground handler and rider. Each of these people has to
work seperately to consider the horse but as a team to ensure the process is done well, make a mistake and the horse may never fully trust being ridden.
The role of the ground handler is to keep the horse and rider controlled, balanced and to make instant decisions about when to stop or proceed.
As a rider you have to be agile, balanced, confident and to trust the horse handler to make accurate decisions.
A supreme test of team work and done well it is seamless almost silent.
Seeing a horse introduced well to its first rider can reduce onlookers to tears, overwhelmed by the trust and bond formed between three beings.
We prepare horses well, over time, in stages, by handling, introducing equipment such as saddle, bridle.
We long line to teach them the signals we will use for start, stop, faster, slower etc.
But there comes that moment where all the work is tested.
We ask the horse, a creature of fight and adrenaline, to change its nature and trust us,the classic predator, to take control of its whole being from the position of its back.
I really enjoyed this work, it is the ultimate test of client trust in my skills in lots of ways, I missed it.
It is so finely balanced the team has to be right or the risks of failure are high and that's simply not acceptable for me.
Do the job exceptionally well or not at all, as I had no team then it was not at all.
Meeting this incredibly gifted young man opened a whole world of possibilites. He simply sits on young horses exceptionally well. He has a way of being that is soft yet strong, relaxed yet balanced and he is unflappable. The combination is so rare in a man but add to that a love of horses, intelligence and a willingness to learn and to me you have a perfect human being.
My heart opened, I took a chance and asked him to join me as a member of our team.
You need to understand my work is an extension of who I am and all I stand for. To trust anyone is a huge step but to trust them with my work, reputation (as they are part of my team) and to put myself in a vulnerable position so publically was a very real lesson. Make a decision, trust your instincts and let go.
Starting horses together has given me back a whole area of my work I love but had felt lost forever.